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George Clooney Dumped Elisabetta

“Why did I make-a his orange juice wrong? Stupido, stupido!”

Less than two weeks ago, Elisabetta Canalis was quoted in an Italian magazine that she’s going to marry George Clooney which was more than he needed to bring this story to its inevitable ending. (He would’ve also accepted: It’s Wednesday, and he’s George Clooney.) People reports:

“We are not together anymore. It’s very difficult and very personal, and we hope everyone can respect our privacy,” Clooney and Canalis said in a joint statement Wednesday.

Correction: It’s very difficult for anyone not named George Clooney. For him, it’s whatever word best describes banging a revolving door of cocktail waitresses without an obligation to listen to their opinionated Italian rants. “Awesobangolonious,” is what I’m going with.