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Lindsay Lohan is a Victim of Weird Shoes and Husband Jumping

“BLARRRFF! … It was the shoes!”

Hours after being released from the day spa the California legal system calls “house arrest,” Lindsay Lohan was spotted stumbling out of the Lexington Social House, so naturally it was only a matter of time until the bullshit parade started. Like clockwork, she posted a picture of her shoe along with the following rant on Twitter last night:

Of course me going to my best friends going away dinner is a headline- especially on my first day out of my house in 35 days. That does not give anyone the right to have a field day and manifest stories. IT WAS A GOING AWAY DINNER, THAT WAS IT. Nothing exciting happened aside from the very yummy hummus and pita. If anyone caused me to nearly fall it was the pyschotic paparazzi…. off to the gym now- have a lovely day xo

What’s interesting is earlier in the day she claimed her friends husband jumped out and scared her which even a drunk person has to realize sounds like horseshit. Via TMZ:

Lindsay says she went out last night to attend a best friend’s going away party.
And she’s telling friends, the reason she stumbled wasn’t because of alcohol — it was because her friend’s husband jumped in front of her unexpectedly, and she tripped.

She realizes she’s allowed to legally drink, right? All she had to say was, “I was allowed to leave my house for the first time in 35 days and maybe had a few too many,” but I guess, that story’s not rife with dramatic tales of paparazzi and everything being someone else’s fault. Seriously, has this chick ever taken responsible for her actions? Just once.

ALI: Who spilled coffee in my car?
LINDSAY: Aurora borealis!

DINA: Who turned off my Real Housewives?
LINDSAY: A Jehovah Witness!

DOCTOR: How did you get pregnant?
LINDSAY: These fuckin’ shoes!