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Reese Witherspoon is Definitely Pregnant (According to All This Speculating)

“Scout’s honor, I didn’t tell no one. Please don’t chin me.”

Here’s Reese Witherspoon visiting Jim Toth’s office yesterday and pulling the ol’ giant purse in front of the baby bump trick that I recognized immediately from the days of Kim Kardashian trying to make her ass look smaller because she honestly thought she could stay famous based on her personality and knew she was never more than two bear claws away from looking like a Thanksgiving turkey smuggler. Anyway, Reese also sported heels to make herself not look like this because, again, an avid runner shouldn’t have the ass of Jennifer Love Hewitt who is the universal measuring stick log for determining if a woman is with child. Now, keep in mind Reese Witherspoon famously sued Star in 2006 for falsely reporting she’s pregnant, so I’m really risking a lawsuit here to prove something I’ll immediately find boring right after its confirmed. I’ve got life figured out, is what I’m saying.